


Simple Touches

by m_feys



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: M/M, could be a stand alone but i might post more, thats how i would describe it, this is soft, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:10:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_feys/pseuds/m_feys
Summary: Natsume never got too close.Always in reach, but only just at arm's length.Natsume never got too close. So Tanuma moved just a bit closer.





	Simple Touches

Their touches were simple. Nudging each other’s knees, reassuring shoulder touches, fist bumps. It was easy and friendly but it was new to both of them.

-

Natsume stared down at the homework in front of him, words boring into his eyes but he wasn't really reading any of it.  
Then Tanuma was bumping a knee into his thigh.  
"Break?" he offered with a smile.  
Natsume set the work aside with a relieved sigh.  
Tanuma laughed at his reaction.  
"We should go for a walk."  
"Sure."

-

Tanuma grabbed his shoulder urgently. He was there. He needed Natsume to know this.  
“You know you can--”  
Natsume stopped him gently, with a smile and a hand tugging his arm back down from his shoulder.  
“I know.” Natsume returned the reassurance Tanuma had been trying to give.

But Tanuma still felt the need to say it. Smiling tensely down at his sneakers, “I won't get involved if you don't want me to. But please talk to me.”  
Natsume’s smile disappeared, “even if it makes you worried?” the words were soft, barely above a whisper.  
Tanuma nodded, “it’s better to talk about stuff, right? If I can help even just with that, I want to.” a pause, more soft words to float just between them, “I don't want you to be alone.”

They're doing it again. The air between them is awkward and stifled. Their arms had both long since dropped back into their own spaces. But they were being far too sentimental for your normal, every day, teenage friends. But they weren't very normal. So it should be like anything else, really. Except it wasn't.

Natsume reached out, tentatively and patted Tanuma’s shoulder, just once, before withdrawing his arm.  
“Thank you, Tanuma.”

“Don't worry about it.”

Soft laughter.

-

The fist bump was something that had become their thing, somehow.

It started with Kitamoto reaching out to Tanuma for a fist bump. Then, later on, Tanuma had done the same thing with Natsume and it had become a habit. A farewell. Something quiet, formed from trust, that only they had. Which, was sort of like a lot of things they shared.  
The koi pond and its reflections, the unspoken moments of companionship, and the soft breath of shared secrets.

But so unlike other things.  
The rush of feet on the ground, the suffocating feeling of not having any of the right words, and the sharp worry they only held to each other throats.

~~~

Natsume hesitates.

Tanuma notices it like he notices a lot of things about Natsume.  
The shift of his gaze and posture when he spots something no one else can see. The curl of his smile and the way his eyes light up around his friends. The way he sighs when he’s actually annoyed versus the one he lets out when Ponta is bothering him. The flinch he tries to hide at every clap of too loud thunder. The way he shifts when he’s trying hard not to fall asleep. The way his gaze drifts away and that smile that only appears when he’s lying.  
That moment of hesitation before he touches someone.

Nishimura and Kitamoto throw their arms over him without a second thought. But if Natsume so much as goes to tap them on the shoulder he hesitates for a moment before confirming the movement.  
Tanuma himself was more reserved than both Kitamoto and Nishimura. But, when he got used to having the friends he does now, Tanuma had never once paused to think about it if he pats Kitamoto on the shoulder or bumps Natsume for his attention.  
So when he does catch that hand hovering between them he reaches back, returning whatever gesture he can. Touching Natsume on the shoulder, nudging him with his knee. Returning the fist bump with ease.  
He’s never been very good with people, but this is the best he can do.

-

It was a rare moment when Tanuma was the one to grab Natsume’s hand and initiate the sequence of them running from a monster until they found a hiding spot or a solution.  
Usually, it was the reverse, Natsume grabbing his hand to pull him away from a danger he couldn't see, or maybe sometimes he could but, it was only a shadow. And at times like these Natsume would always release the grasp on his hand as soon as they stopped running.

When Tanuma had just grabbed his hand and taken off Natsume had been surprised, but he knew what was happening. Tanuma was just glad he had noticed the shadowy figure before it had grabbed Natsume from behind. But when they ducked into a bush at the suggestion of Natsume, Tanuma hadn't let go of his hand.  
He hadn’t forgotten. He knew he was still holding his hand. Of course, he did, it was burning a hole in his head. And he also knew his hand was sweaty. What he didn't know was what Natsume was thinking, but he wasn't actively pulling away, so that was good, right?

The thing is, Tanuma figured Natsume had never really had someone hold his hand. At least, not much from what he knew, not even when he was little, but maybe that was something he wanted, something he deserved. Natsume deserved pretty much everything he wanted.  
He hesitated at any touch, but he still reached out. Tanuma was reaching back this one time he could. It was the best he could do. He just hoped Natsume would tell him if he didn't want him to do this.

“Tanuma,” Natsume spoke for the first time since the Youkai had apparently lost them. He sounded nervous. Leaves poked at Tanuma’s back and brushed his head as he turned to look at Natsume between the branches.  
“Hmm?”  
Brown eyes flitted over his face, “uh… nothing.”  
Tanuma pulled himself and Natsume out of the bush.  
He finally did let go of his hand then. Taking the chance to smooth his clothes and discreetly wipe his sweaty hand on his pants.  
“You ok?”  
“Yeah, thanks,” he spoke, subdued, in a way he wasn't usually around Tanuma. Maybe he had made a mistake holding on too long. “You?”  
“‘M fine,” Tanuma answered.  
Then, a breath almost like a laugh he was too nervous to let out, "sorry, my hand was sweaty,” Natsume smiles at him shyly.  
Tanuma is stunned at the sight in front of him.  
He's draped in sunlight, coming through the almost bare branches of autumn, rumpled in his coat, with a sweaty hand to match Tanuma’s. Natsume brings his other hand up to ruffle the hairs on the back of his neck nervously.  
Butterflies flutter in his stomach, it takes him a second to realize he should answer rather than stare.  
He barks out a laugh, just as nervous, “oh, yeah, me too.”

-

Their touches became a little more then. Thighs pressed together, an arm around him and a head on his shoulder, holding hands. And it was so new to both of them.

-

They were sitting closer than they needed to be. Yeah, Nishimura, Kitamoto, and Sasada were sitting on the bench beside them but he didn't need to be pressed close enough to Natsume that their thighs were touching. But he was anyway.  
Natsume hadn't said anything or done anything. He was just looking out across the lake with a fond smile like he'd enjoyed sitting here with his friends a thousand times before.  
“So, why couldn't Taki come?” Nishimura brought their other friend up and the only thing surprising about it was how long it took him to ask.  
“She said she was going somewhere with her family this weekend,” Tanuma answers, his feeling of ease at complete odds with the nervous burning of his thigh where it touched Natsume’s as if waiting for some kind of repercussions.  
“On a trip?” Natsume wondered beside him.  
Tanuma’s eyes caught on Natsume again, staring out at the lake.  
“I don't know, I think maybe a family dinner.” he answers slowly, “I didn't ask her that much.”

-

Natsume curled up on the forest floor, pulling his arms around his knees.  
“You’re tired,” Tanuma spoke just as Natsume was letting out a sigh. It wasn't a question.  
Natsume blinked up at him with an exhausted-looking smile, but he didn't deny anything like he might have a few months ago.  
“We can go back to my house,” he offered, holding out a hand to pull Natsume back up.  
“But it’s so nice out,” Natsume protested. Then he stretched back out a little with another sigh that shifted into a yawn, his knees stayed hiked up in front of him.

Tanuma settled down beside him then, leaning back into the tree.  
“You can… put your head against me?” he tried, unsure of his footing. Natsume didn't say anything, didn't look at him and Tanuma started to fidget a little, then, Natsume was leaning back towards him, his head slowly finding his shoulder, Tanuma stilled completely at that.  
He shifted after a second, and Natsume quickly pulled his head away, just like he had worried he would. But Tanuma had only trying to free his arm and when he did he settled it over Natsume’s shoulders and pulled him back in so he was tucked nicely into Tanuma’s side.

“Sorry,” he muttered into the hair now presented next to his head, honey-colored and soft.  
All he heard from Natsume was a ragged breath, and his worry broke the soft moment.  
“Natsume?” again he didn't answer, but after a while of just sitting like that, Natsume actually started to relax against him.  
Though, Tanuma isn't even sure if he ever fell asleep like that.

-

It was one of those moments, where they're sitting together, just them. And Tanuma catches that hand hovering.  
He reaches out, taking it in his own. Natsume smiles a little at the gesture, shifting his hand so they fit better together.  
And they stayed like that.

~~~

And Tanuma always notices new things about him. And Natsume always finds ways to surprise him.

Tanuma doesn't reach for his hand in public, but sometimes he puts an arm around him as they walk and Natsume gets that tiny pleased smile of his. The one that sends the butterflies up into his chest.

The way he talks when it’s just him and Tanuma versus the way he talks around all their friends. Neither is inherently better, around his friends he smiles and laughs just a bit more, a little louder, more energetic, but around Tanuma he lets his shoulders loosen, and sometimes in a smile he tells him he is really, truly, relaxed for the moment.

When Natsume talks to him about things now, which he does more often, and it gets around to bad parts Tanuma finds himself reaching for his hand. He was never the best at words, used to the best he could come up with was: ‘that’s bad.’ or even just an upset noise. With this newfound nonverbal communication, he can do better. Now he can lace their fingers together and watch and wait. And if Natsume leans over to rest a head on his shoulder, Tanuma can lean his head on him in return.  
Then, Tanuma surprises himself.

-

He still can't see it, of course not. But the sun is working its way down and even the reflection is disappearing from his ceiling.  
He sits up then to watch Natsume instead, then.

His eyes are amber in the sunlight, glowing as his gaze follows some unseen fish.  
“Natsume,” he calls for attention with the name and a hand on his arm.  
The boy looks up at him expectantly.

Tanuma doesn’t know what makes him so sure. He's never been in a relationship, nor has he seen many romance movies. But this, right here, just seems so perfect.  
Sitting in front of the koi pond they share, even if one of them can't see it. Bathed in sunlight. And Natsume, this amazing person. He was glowing, and this was something only Tanuma could see.  
He leans in, tilting his head a little as he does. He hesitates for a second or more.  
Just like Natsume does, he thinks, but he's waiting to see if he’ll be pushed away, and it clicks for Tanuma then. Just as Natsume is watching him with wide, wary eyes, he knows exactly why he hesitates and he wants to kiss him that much more.

So he does, letting his eyes shut and his mouth press softly to the chapped lips of his friend.  
It doesn't last long, Tanuma doesn't really know how long it's supposed to last either. He pulls away so he can see Natsume’s reaction.  
So he can notice something new.

~~~

Natsume’s reaction since their first kiss changes quickly. Soft surprise becomes swift reciprocation. Instead of staring at him, a hand coming up to touch his lips, Natsume is pulling and pushing in return. A hand on his neck or on his shoulder, pressing their lips together.  
Oh, and he doesn’t cry like the first time either. Tanuma had panicked at the time, but now, it made more sense. Someone like Natsume, who’d been pushed away. Who hesitates to touch. Tanuma was fairly certain that Natsume had been sort of terrified.

He still does hesitate. Still seems scared. Tanuma doesn’t blame him. Of course.  
He does wish Natsume would kiss him first, sometimes.

And walks through the woods become kissing underneath their favorite tree. The koi pond outside of his room becomes the place where they first kissed rather than the beautiful thing he couldn’t see. He'd honestly rather look at Natsume anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry the formatting is so weird i wasnt sure how i should do it
> 
> i have stuff thats a continuation of this but its not like an actual coherent plot  
> i might post it as a like a series with this? or as other chapters, not sure
> 
> All comments are appreciated, i just dont always reply ♥


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